Flashback Friday: Crossroads

Clearfield Seminary Council 1997
Back Row: Bro. Harward, Rod Earl, Todd White, Brooke Graham, Wayne Davis, Bro. Andersen
Front Row: Me, Natalie Moss, Abby Davenport, AnnaMay Packham, Kandice Knight, Kathryn Law, Sandi Russon, Kristi Hawks

I came to a crossroads in my life at age 13.

Where I was and where I knew I wanted to be were two totally different places. The friends I had grown up with had taken a path that didn't include church or the values that I had always been taught. They were nice kids, we had fun together, and I knew I was accepted by them. For awhile I really thought that I could still be their friend. I could hold on to my values and be a good example for them. What I found instead was that I was gradually making rationalizations for my own wrong choices in order to continue to fit in.

Hanging out with these friends had been okay with my parents when we were in elementary school, but when junior high came it was a big deal. It seemed like it was becoming a regular battle with my dad. For the longest time I defended these friends. Told my dad that he was wrong. They were good kids, I would say. But I knew my dad was right. It was a feeling way deep down that told me "Listen to your father". I figured I was left with two choices. Stay with the friends that were leading me down an ugly path or have no friends.

My grandma passed away during this time in my life. It was her passing that really got me thinking about where I was in my life and where I wanted to be. I didn't want to be with the friends I had, but I was so afraid of being alone. I had to do it. I needed to do it. It was better to be alone, right?

So I prayed. And I prayed. And I prayed some more. This was the first time in my life that I remember really praying for something. I cried and plead with my Heavenly Father to know what to do and then to have the strength to do it, but mostly I remember praying that I wouldn't be alone.

The first day was the hardest. I purposely walked to a different bus stop so I didn't have to see my former friends. I sat by myself on the bus. Before school started, when everyone hangs out with their friends, I wandered the halls alone and spent more time than needed in the restroom. Finally the bell rang to go to 1st period. That first bell never sounded so glorious! Class was a welcome retreat from the social sector. Small talk before and during class, but mostly I just had to sit and listen. Lunch was by far the worst part of the day. It's amazing how a person can still feel all alone when surrounded by hoards of other people. I ate my lunch in record time and retreated to my locker. Eventually the day ended. I had survived much to my surprise.

The next day my prayers were answered. During 4th period's Home Economics class (which happened to be right before lunch) I sat on the floor with Kristi cutting out our apron patterns. Kristi and I were class friends. We didn't know each other before this class and we didn't ever talk outside of class. I don't remember all the specifics of our conversation that day in class, but I'll never forget how I felt when she asked me if I wanted to eat lunch with her and her friends that day.

Nor would I forget the overwhelming feeling that the Lord knows me, really knows me. She didn't know I was praying for a friend and probably doesn't know to this day how that one invitation changed my life. But I know. And the Lord knows I know. And that has made all the difference.