Everyone has trials. Everyone has a hill to climb. Sometimes I take mole hills (the fear of potty training Ryker, getting the boys to clean the toy room, Christmas gift woes, a laundry room that drives me to the point of insanity!) and I turn them into mountains. With the proper perspective I know that all those things, although in the moment seem huge, are really very insignificant. Other times I feel that I am faced with real mountain-like trials... Everest of sorts. And even with the proper perspective they are huge. They are scary. They take every bit of courage, every ounce of strength, and faith.... though the size of a mustard seed, it's faith enough to carry me.
The last post I did before I took my blogging sabbatical was a quote about pioneers. Although at the time I didn't understand how significant it would soon be, I have read and reread it many times. I feel that I have reached the "top of one summit in life...only to see more mountain peaks ahead, higher and more challenging than the one we have just traversed."
I recently heard this song by Hilary Weeks and it says so perfectly.
Beautiful Heartbreak
I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.
I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbing,
And at the top I found...
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;
I used to pray He'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
I never dreamed my heart would make it,
I thought about turning around;
But heaven has shown me miracles,
I never would have seen from the ground.
Now I take the rain with the sunshine,
Cause there's one thing that I know,
He picks up the pieces,
Along each broken road.
Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view
And now that I'm here I would never trade...
The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights.
I used to pray He'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.
Isn't that what is great about trials? They really do make us stronger if we keep going...if we keep climbing. By nature I am quite a lazy person. I prefer the ground and the easiest way from point A to point B. Thanks to a father who likes spending time in the great outdoors, I have been on many a mountain in my lifetime where I have stopped along the way and wondered why I was still going up. It seemed pointless and stupid. I had a bad attitude. I was tired. I was aching from the strain. But I knew that quitting wasn't an option. So I continued on. Huffing and puffing. Creeping along at a snail's pace. At times literally pulling myself up by branches, rocks, whatever I could find to aid my quest to reach the top. And you know, as well as I do, that at the top it really is worth it. The view is incredible. The feeling of overcoming something difficult is truly awesome.
I don't want to relive past trials, but I'm grateful for them. They have made me who I am today. They have given me the strength necessary to continue to climb these mountains that are bigger than the ones before. And what's even better is the feeling that Heaven is so close. There is something about being in a trial that knocks your legs out from under you...it brings you to your knees. And it's on my knees that I feel the strength, peace, hope, and love necessary to keep climbing. Because quitting is still not an option.
