There's No Place Like Home

I, for one, think a post is quite boring without pictures. Unfortunately, I am in no position to take pictures, and all the ones I have taken are on the desktop, and well, you know. I have, however, decided to add one from google images to help with this post. Our life is not all baby, and it certainly isn't all drama, but you would think that with my posts lately. I will do a post later this week about my sweet boys. They've been troopers through all this and, quite simply, they're absolutely amazing. But for now, it's another baby update. Today I am 25 weeks 5 days along with our little princess. Last week I went in to the perinatologist (high risk doc) and they did a growth check. She is measuring about a week smaller, but not a concern. She weighed 1 lb 8 oz....so hopefully she's closer to 2 lbs now. Everything looks great with her. She is healthy and growing! They also did a cervix check last week. I am pretty sure he said it was measuring at 1.1 cm, but today he said it was 1.5 last week. Either way it's not great. He said I needed to "be the blob" on the couch. Very limited activity. I shouldn't do anything more than was absolutely necessary. Today. Today I went back in to the perinatologist (this will now be a weekly thing). Today my cervix is 9mm. Today the doctor said he was "on the fence" about admitting me into the hospital today. Luckily, after talking with the on-call OB, I was able to come home. Today he told me that I need to pack a suitcase for the hospital and take it with me to every appointment. Today I am back on strict bed rest. Bathroom and eating privileges only. Today I cried all the way home from the hospital. Here is a little ruler to help with the visual. This is a 4 cm ruler. 4 cm is the length of a normal cervix. On March 2nd (the day of my cerclage) it measured at 0 cm. No cervical length. Baby would have most likely been delivered within a week if they hadn't done the surgery. One week after the cerclage my cervix measured 2 cm. Yippee!! Two weeks after that it measured at 1.6cm. Last week 1.5(or 1.1) cm. Today 9 mm. Less than a centimeter. Closer to where we were 5 weeks ago. If things were to stay here I would still be fine. The problem is that I'm not in pre-term labor. I'm not having contractions. There isn't anything causing these changes to take place. Really there is nothing to do to prevent it. Besides maybe standing on my head? My body just isn't holding up. Oh, and she is still breech and she is kicking my cervix. Literally. She is standing right on the stitch that is holding her in. Also not a good thing. Things aren't ideal. Definitely not going the way I had planned, but they are still going. Today while I waited for my appointment I was thinking about how I wished I had brought my book to read while I waited. Then I remembered I had my Book of Mormon in my purse. I opened it up and started reading in Mormon. The first part of verse 5 in ch.1 stuck out to me and soon after I read it they called my name and I went back. It wasn't until I got home and I was praying for comfort/guidance/peace that I remembered what I had read: "Wherefore, I chose these things,..." and I couldn't help but think that this is my plan. I chose this. I really believe that in the pre-mortal life we knew life on earth would be hard, we may have even known specifically what some of our trials would be. And we rejoiced at the chance to come to earth, receive a body, and be tested. We rejoiced at our trials! And even though the unknowns are unsettling, I know that things will work out the way they are supposed to. They always have and I know they always will.