Do you ever have moments where you are so totally frustrated with yourself? You can see yourself being an idiot and wish you could stop yourself, but can't seem to get a grip? Yeah, that's me right now.
In my ward I serve as the activities committee chairperson (a fancy title for party planner). I have 2 major flaws when it comes to fulfilling this calling:
1)I am not creative (really...I know myself. I can copy, but I have a heck of a time creating)
2) I stress out way too much. I know everyone gets stressed, but I'm afraid I tend to overdo it.
Tonight we had our ward Christmas party. The committee that I serve with is awesome. Really. Sometimes things don't happen until the last moment which causes me to stress....but they pull through and things get done beautifully. So why do I stress? I have learned that when we try to do our very best in serving the Lord, He will always help things turn out. If I know that why do I worry so much?
I am so frustrated with how I react in stressful situations. I get so short with Jaxon and I don't know how Brian deals with my frazzled state. At the very moment that I am getting after Jaxon for trying to taste test the jello on the food table, I am having this out-of-body experience where I can see myself acting like a loon and wishing I could just take a deep breath. I wasn't really upset with Jaxon for trying to eat the jello...he wasn't trying to upset me. He was being 4. He loves jello and wanted a taste. No. It had nothing to do with jello. I was just worried. Worried that people wouldn't come to the party. Worried too many people would come and we would run out of food. Worried that the movie/program wouldn't work. Worried people would think it was lame. Worried. Worried. Worried.
When its all said and done things went well. Yes, there were things I would do differently next year (will there be a next year?) and we had too many technical difficulties for my liking, but really, what could I do? Nothing. Those that came said they had a good time. We didn't run out of food, and we had a pretty good showing.
I'm frustrated that I can't seem to figure out how to not stress. I'm frustrated that I get so impatient with Jaxon and Brian...I couldn't do any of this without them. I hope they realize that I am a work in progress. I'm trying. Really I am.
8 comments:
I can't believe you are blogging after the party... You should be exhausted and in bed. Things went great tonight, and think of the bright side, the next Christmas party is a year away!! YEAH!!
I so relate to this post. I have talks with myself before high stress events, to warn myself of what not to say and what not to do, but I watch myself say and do them anyway. I guess we're all works in progress. (I thought by 30 I would have figured it all out and be a gracious and wonderful patient person.)
I had to work that night, but I heard that the party was a great success:) Don't stress, you may never have to do next year's party. I don't think you are alone... I think EVERYONE is frustrated and stressed about some things in life. It seems like stress is taken out on those we love most:) You are not alone Natalie.
We all get that way sometimes babe. Well, not me, of course, but everyone else definitely. Your little boys and your big one too love you so much and they understand that's just the way it is. I think it comes with being a woman. It's just the way it is but I also know that you have an amazing ability to pull things together and make them great. Don't be so hard on yourself! You are fabulous!
First off, I can't picture you ever getting crazy like you describe... :) :) but there was an awesome book I read that helped me chill out a little: "Guiltfree Motherhood" by Joni Hilton. It's great. :)
You've been tagged:)
It makes me feel better that I'm not the only mom that gets stressed out and has out of body experiences wondering why am I taking my frustrations out on my Child. I too am attempting to calm my self by deep breathing on a daily basis. Last night Cameron told me not to yell or I might Die. ? I'm not sure where that came from but I think its a sign that I do it too much.
You have put this absolutely perfectly. I have these ALL THE TIME. No joke. I was having a presidency meeting last night with my counselors and because Rex is studying EVERY dang day and night (you know how that goes) He couldn't be home to take care of Cameron. I was so worried about getting so much accomplished with this meeting and trying to keep it organized, that everytime Cameron would come over by the table, I was so short with him and I'd just tell him to go away. Later that night I felt horrible. I know he is just a 2 yr old ....but wow, I feel so frustrated when I am under some sort of "pressure" ...So I found this post you wrote today very interesting. It was actually uplifting for me to read it! Thanks.
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